John S. Tamerin, M.D.
Resources

Spirituality and purpose

Some of what brings people to a psychiatrist is not a symptom but a question. How to stay close to the people you love. Why success does not feel like happiness. What to do with guilt, with anger, and with the sense that something is missing. These are questions for anyone, religious or not.

Each one below brings together Dr. Tamerin’s own writing, a lesson from the course he taught with a rabbi, and a little further reading.

Soul Therapy: understanding why mental health is spiritual health too
Rabbi Menachem Feldman and Dr. John Tamerin seated side by side in a book-lined room
Rabbi Menachem Feldman and Dr. Tamerin, who taught the course together. Artwork and photo: Chabad.org
A course on Chabad.org

Soul Therapy

Understanding why mental health is spiritual health too.

A psychiatrist and a rabbi take up the same questions from two directions. Rabbi Menachem Feldman, who directs lifelong learning at the Chabad Lubavitch Center in Greenwich, brings the teachings of Kabbalah and Chassidic thought. Dr. Tamerin brings psychiatry. Together they ask whether the Torah’s prescription for a meaningful life fits what the mental health field has learned about the mind.

The course draws on Jewish sources, but the questions it asks belong to everyone. Each lesson appears below, next to the question it answers, with what it teaches restated in plain language.

Format
Four recorded lessons, about 45 minutes each
Offered by
Chabad.org with Chabad of Greenwich, first taught online in early 2023
To watch
Free, with a Chabad.org account. A donation is suggested, not required.
Go to the course on Chabad.org (opens in a new tab) Rabbi Menachem Feldman on Chabad.org (opens in a new tab) Dr. John S. Tamerin on Chabad.org (opens in a new tab)

Question 1 of 5

Why is closeness so hard to keep?

Sooner or later, most of what people bring to a psychiatrist involves another person. The wish to be close is universal, and so is the difficulty of staying close: the same argument, the same silence, the slow drift apart. Good relationships are among the strongest predictors of health and long life, which makes this more than a private worry.

From the course · Soul Therapy

Lesson 1: Building Relationships Better

“Relationships do not sustain themselves. They are like flowers that need to be regularly watered and nourished.”

From the lesson handout

What the lesson teaches

  • Relationships do not keep themselves going. Two different people do not become close on their own; it takes steady care.
  • The course names three qualities from Kabbalah: chessed, the wish to be close; gevurah, the discipline to make room for needs that are not your own; and tiferet, the harmony that comes when the two work together.
  • Love alone cannot hold a relationship together. It needs respect as well, and the course compares the two to a bird’s two wings.

Watch the lesson on Chabad.org (opens in a new tab) Free account required

Further reading on Chabad.org

Question 2 of 5

Why doesn’t success feel like happiness?

Many people who have done well by every outside measure find that it still does not feel like enough. Happiness turns out to depend less on what you have than on what you notice and what you are living for. Psychology and the religious traditions keep arriving at the same two answers: gratitude and meaning.

From the course · Soul Therapy

Lesson 2: In Pursuit of Happiness

“When a person takes blessings for granted, whatever they have is not enough and they want more.”

From the lesson handout

What the lesson teaches

  • The thoughts you let into your mind shape how you feel. Kabbalah teaches that the mind is the source of the emotions, and cognitive therapy works from a similar idea.
  • Taking good things for granted makes nothing feel like enough. Gratitude is the antidote.
  • Gratitude grows out of humility. The Hebrew word for it, hoda’ah, also means acknowledgment: being thankful means admitting what other people bring to your life, which takes some vulnerability.

Watch the lesson on Chabad.org (opens in a new tab) Free account required

Further reading on Chabad.org

Question 3 of 5

What do you do with what you got wrong?

Guilt and shame feel alike but work in opposite directions. Guilt is about something you did, and it can push you to repair it. Shame is about who you think you are, and it tends to make people hide. Telling the two apart is often where change begins.

From the course · Soul Therapy

Lesson 3: Accepting Our Imperfect Selves

“The unique purpose of each person can be accomplished with all their imperfections.”

From the lesson handout

What the lesson teaches

  • Guilt is about something you did. Shame is about who you are. Guilt, handled well, leads to growth; shame is a weight that mostly leads to dissatisfaction.
  • Shame often rests on a hidden expectation of being perfect. The course calls that a kind of arrogance, and calls accepting your imperfections a true act of humility.
  • Struggle is part of a purpose, not proof that you have failed at it.

Watch the lesson on Chabad.org (opens in a new tab) Free account required

Further reading on Chabad.org

Question 4 of 5

What do you do with anger?

Anger is not the problem in itself. Swallowed, it tends to come back as resentment, or as a low mood that seems to have no cause. Let loose, it damages the people you most need. What helps is understanding what set it off, and then choosing what to do with it.

From the course · Soul Therapy

Lesson 4: The Arrogance of Anger

“In this case, anger is a useful signal something is wrong.”

From the lesson handout

What the lesson teaches

  • Feeling angry is normal. The danger is anger that takes away your control and your judgment.
  • Rage brings a sense of entitlement: I was hurt, so I have the right to let everyone know. That is what leads to words you regret.
  • When someone is mistreating you, anger should not be suppressed. It is a signal that something is wrong, and it should then be dealt with calmly.
  • In the moment, staying silent and bringing your mind to the situation makes a measured response possible.

Watch the lesson on Chabad.org (opens in a new tab) Free account required

Question 5 of 5

What is all of it for?

This is the question underneath many of the others. It is not only a religious question, and you do not need a religious answer to take it seriously. People find their answers in work, in family, in service and in faith. What matters is whether the answer you are living by is really your own.

Further reading on Chabad.org

Faith and treatment are not rivals

For many people, faith is a real source of strength in hard times. It is not a substitute for care when something is medically wrong. Chabad.org’s own mental health section sets professional help alongside family, community and faith, rather than against them.

If you are in danger now, call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or call 911.

On Chabad.org

These are outside pages, chosen because they are useful whatever you believe. They are not medical advice, and Chabad.org is responsible for what they say.

When one question will not let go

If one of these has become the question you cannot put down, it is a reasonable thing to bring to a psychiatrist, whatever you believe.

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